Easy is over rated.

-
Last year at this time was ...a blur? I was released from Magee and began my temporary residence at the Ronald McDonald house/Children's hospital on December 23rd. The first few days are blurs in my memory. I had just had a c-section. I didn't get my perscription for Percocet filled so I was walking around the hospital "recovering" from a c-section and half delirious. At one point on the 23rd I remember breaking down. It was 7 pm and the day nurse was giving Case's night nurse report. It sounded aweful... "multi-cystic, dysplastic kidney, dilation and or blockage of the other kidney, posible coarctation of the aorta, a large VSD, an ASD, severe hypospadias, unfound testis, IUGR, unknown syndromes... and on. It was too much. I broke down. Right there, in front of the nurses I sobbed. I didn't even try to make it to the bathroom. I just let it all go. "This isn't how it's suppose to be." I thought. "I should be home, nursing a big, healthy baby. Spending time with Dan and the girls. Admiring my Christmas tree." It wasn't easy. In fact, it was really hard. The hardest part was walking out of his room. They let us hold him for 15 minutes each on Christmas eve and for weeks after that it was only 15 minutes. He was under the billy lights for jaundice for the first few days. I wasn't alowed to feed him. Really, there weren't a lot of reasons to be in his room but when I left him, I ached. I left a part of my body in the NICU. He was a part of me. He spent 8 months inside of me and I ached for him. Just going to the local Walmart made me cry. I wanted him in my arms so bad it hurt. It wasn't being away from home that was hard it was feeling like he belonged to the NICU that was near impossible. But easy is over rated. Easy didn't make me grow. Easy didn't make me love. Easy didn't lead me to Jesus's voice. Yes, easy is nice but easy is not what God had in mind for Dan, me and the children. God has a bigger picture. A better plan. It's not always easy but easy is over rated any way.;)

Comments

  1. TestDecember 26, 2011 at 10:39 PM

    I remember those same emotions, especially when trying to do something "normal".

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

About Case.

-
Image
Let me tell you all about the boy that is the inspiration behind A Very Special Family. Before Case was born we knew he was sick. During the routine "gender scan" ultrasound they found a "spot on his kidney and a spot on his heart." They referred us to a high risk OB about an hour away from our home. In order to not drive myself crazy, I decided to tell myself it was nothing in the days counting up to the appointment. It was something. It was a lot of things. I'll never forget that day, the day I heard the laundry list of birth defects, health problems and complications my sweet baby had. I remember my world starting to blur. That day, in the OB office right after I was told our baby was sick I don’t remember much but I remember hearing the word “Grace”. It was clear and unmistakable. At the time, I thought the baby was a girl and that was to be her middle name. Once we got home from that appointment, I looked up the word Grace. Blessing and
Read more

About Case.

-
Image
Case is our fourth child. He has 3 sisters. At 22 weeks pregnant I had a routine ultrasound. The tech seemed calm, ordinary. She said we were having another girl. We named her Parker. "She" was healthy. Typical. Fine. A week or two after that "normal" ultrasound we got a call. There was a spot on our "baby girl's" heart and one on "her" kidney. Not a big deal. At about 25 weeks of Pregnancy, We had a second level sonogram about an hour away from our home.  I was told our baby would be different. Very different. It's limbs were way behind in growth. It had heart problems, kidney problems, and was small. Very small. The doctor strongly suspected Down syndrome or Trisomy. He did an amnio. I cried. He told me this was not my fault. I was doing everything I could. The baby was just made different. Two and a half weeks later, I got a call. I was there, in that hotel. On a mini "getaway" with the family. The doctor called an
Read more

I'm a Terrible Soccer Mom

-
Image
It’s true. I am a terrible soccer mom. I don’t like the bugs and the porta potties. I dread spending a good part of the evening or Saturday morning sitting in a muddy field listening to my kids whine that they are hungry and bored when all I really want to do is put my sweatpants on and drink wine on my couch. I’ve successfully avoided volunteering for the mandatory confession stand job for an embarrassing amount of time. And worst of all....I’ve MISSED games do to work and (usually) don’t feel guilty about it. Okay...before you start thinking I’m a terrible mom (too late?) let me explain...I love my kids. I love them so much my heart could EXPLODE. They are smart and funny. They are kind, considerate and helpful. And mostly, I really enjoy spending time with them and even though I’m a terrible soccer mom, I love watching them improve each season. I love watching their faces when they try to pretend they aren’t over the moon excited about the goal they just scored or the assist they ju
Read more