Thursday, December 8, 2011

December 8, 2010.

One year ago today, on the 8th of December I had what was easily one of the hardest days of my life. We had a day full of appointments in Pittsburgh. We did this monthly but this day was the hardest. We spent around 8 hours there. Going from surgeon to OB to sonogram to another sonogram to a genetics counceler to a cold room with a big desk and a doctor that told us there was a good chance our son would die and we needed to prepare ourselves for that posibility. His growth was still greatly lagging. His one kidney was in really bad shape the other looked blocked. His heart was said to need immediate repair after birth. They thought his fingers were fused, his rectum was closed and on and on. The people that spoke to us had general concern and confusion on their faces. The same doctor that told us Case may die also said that when he was formed his "computer program" was messed up. Some links were missing. He said Case had some sort of horrible syndrome. They just didn't know what yet. He said Case wasn't made right and he had so many problems that he very well could come out unable to eat, grow and thrive causing him to die. I left Pittsburgh in a blurr. Head pounding. Beyond exhausted. I even vomited on the way home. I lay awake that night pleading with God for our son's life. That he would not only live but live a good life. I begged him to tell me if Case would live or die. All I would hear is the baby saying "I'm okay mom." As a matter of fact I was laying in bed early the next morning thinking of the baby. Feeling like I couldn't handle any more. I remembered the verse that says God won't give us more then we can handle. I said, dear God... I'm not this strong.... I can't handle much more... I sent Dan a text saying that I just wanted the baby to be okay. As I lay there awake I had this vision of a little baby floating around in my belly, he said, "I'm okay mom" with a smile on his sweet face.:) Shortly after I had that vision Dan replied to his text with this: "I'm okay, mom"- Love, the baby. And he was whether he lived or died he did and does belong to Jeaus and will always okay. I do feel very blessed to have him as a part of our lives and to be his mother. :) He wasn't as terible off as the doctors thought and his heart was miraculously better then they thought. Of corse, when I saw him for the first time, I thought he was and still think he is perfect!;)

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise..

Isiah 41:13
For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

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