A Very Special Case.

God, I hate worrying. It's like an involuntary emotion. It lurks up on me, and before I know it it's three am, and I'm playing in my head the words I'll say to my son's new insurance rep about how unfair his new policy is or my mind is still stuck on 6 million what ifs. It steals my peace. It steals my sleep and brings zero value to my life. A pointless, involuntary, annoying emotion that we could easily live with out. And yet, it seems no matter how many times I tell myself I won't worry, I'm doing it before I even realize it. I used to worry about things like stomach bugs and unfinished homework. Now I have graduated to unfair HMOs, birth defects, and kidney failure in a small boy.The newest prospects of worry are unresolved stomach issues in Case's tiny belly, slow growth, his HMO taking away some of his nursing (they're being stubborn dumb dumbs)...and the list goes on. I've concluded that worry is worthless, and if I allow everything that co...

Case's nurse was in. He didn't gain a lot of weight. His Physical Therapist was in. There are some issues we are working on. They don't seem to be getting better which means I will need to tape his feet and up his legs some. I tried to contact someone about his calories. It didn't work. I felt defeated. I thought to my self this isn't fair. Babies are born all the time with two functioning kidneys. With every thing formed right. They are born and they eat and they grow. It's that simple. I know because I had three of these babies. I was right. This isn't fair. It's not fair that getting Case to grow is this hard. It's not fair that he has a bad kidney. It's not fair that he has a button in his skin and tape on his feet. It's not fair that I have to work so hard for him. It's not fair that he will have up to four surgeries before his second birthday. With all that on my mind, I am reminded that this journey is a gift. That no one ever ...