What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Stronger.

-
"Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now"

Two weeks from today I will be in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. I'll be holding a tiny 3 year old with a hole in his scull and a catheter jammed in to monitor Increased Inner-Cranial Pressure in his brain. I'll be praying, wondering, maybe crying or laughing. I won't know if the following Friday I'll be handing my precious 4th born to a Neuro and Plastic surgeon for an 8+ hour scull, brow bone and fore head reconstruction surgery with.....I won't know how that is going to go if it does happen. I will have to trust, continually turning my anxious thoughts over to a sovereign God believing he will never give me more than I can handle and by that I mean what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.......
Before the birth of our son all Children's to me was a hospital Giant Eagle occasionally asked me to donate to. I usually said no do to lack of time and the inability to spare a few dollars. Fast forward 3+ years and Children's is so much more. It is where I have been broken and rebuilt. It has saved and enhanced my child's life in ways I never imagined. It houses some of my closest friends and second family members. It has become a mission field of sorts where I have been pushed to the edge of my faith. I never considered myself talented and all I wanted to be as a child was a mom. I loved babies and pretended like I had 8. I was the last one picked for dodge ball at gym class, can't carry a tune in a bucket and used to think God desired his people to beable to serve him with the visible talents he gave them.... I was wrong. I had to dig to find that talent doesn't always look like a beautiful singing voice or a pretty painting. We blossom where we are planted and I believe that Case is the exact child God planned for our forth. Not broken, not a mistake but a beautiful opening to a world of unknown. A spirit full of so much love and mystery is glows!
So, when I start to feel like God mistook me for someone stronger, that I can't go on any longer I will give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for me (for Case, for our entire little family) in Christ Jesus.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger"


"I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine"

 
Please take 5 minutes to watch this music video. The song has become a theme song for me lately and holds many blessings. <3
 

 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Half-Brained Thoughts from a Special Needs Momma.

-
Image
Top ten thing's I've seriously considered doing when I'm low on sleep and patience. 10. Throwing Case's feeding pump out the window. Really. Some days that thing must beep hundreds of times. He's carrying it around constantly. It beeps when it's empty. It beeps when the tubes twist, kink or clog. It's an annoying, beautiful, life giving machine that I have a love-hate relationship with. 9.  Just driving. And driving. And driving. Alone. With the music blasting. I'd come back eventually but only once I'm well rested with a manicure. 8. Taking the 10+ (front and back) partially filled out papers asking me if my son is "still medically complex and if so to prove it", crumpling them up and leaving them on the doorstep of the office with his bottles of meds, tubes, pump, syringes, all his medical records and maybe some vomit with a note that reads, "Yes, he is still very much the same as he was the last time I did paper work to pr...
Read more

About Case.

-
Image
Case is our fourth child. He has 3 sisters. At 22 weeks pregnant I had a routine ultrasound. The tech seemed calm, ordinary. She said we were having another girl. We named her Parker. "She" was healthy. Typical. Fine. A week or two after that "normal" ultrasound we got a call. There was a spot on our "baby girl's" heart and one on "her" kidney. Not a big deal. At about 25 weeks of Pregnancy, We had a second level sonogram about an hour away from our home.  I was told our baby would be different. Very different. It's limbs were way behind in growth. It had heart problems, kidney problems, and was small. Very small. The doctor strongly suspected Down syndrome or Trisomy. He did an amnio. I cried. He told me this was not my fault. I was doing everything I could. The baby was just made different. Two and a half weeks later, I got a call. I was there, in that hotel. On a mini "getaway" with the family. The doctor called an...
Read more

I have a confession.

-
Image
I have a confession. I'm tired of fighting the food battle. For all of the 17 months Case has been alive, I've been fighting my butt off to get this child to eat right and grow well. The food battle started as soon as Case was born. They whisked him away from me via helicopter (even though we were only minutes away in Magee Women's Hospital) to Pittsburgh Children's Hospital. Once he was gone, the food battle started. I pumped around the clock every three hours to have milk for the time when they allowed me to nourish his tiny body with bottles then with breast. If only it would have been that easy. He was about a week old when they first let him eat, after a day or so they stuck a tube down his nose. Eventually they let me try to nurse. He was too weak. Once he was sent home, they took the tube out of his nose and I was feeding him fortified breast milk every 3 hours (around the clock). I was also pumping. This went on until I could no longer keep my milk (around 3 m...
Read more