Self Care and Why it's So Important

Let’s talk about self care. If you are anything like I used to be, that very combo of those two words in that order make you want to throw up on your shoes. You are probably thinking, “Are you kidding me? She wants me to take care of myself? When??? How?? Does she really think I have the ability (time, money, energy) to do anything above the required semi-weekly shower and pee when my bladder is about to explode. Cause I don’t. I can’t take care of me because I need to take care of everyone else! Including (for a lot of us) a very needy, child with SO MANY extra needs!!” When I say, “I get it” I’m telling you the god, honest truth because I was there and still have off days. You see, for a LIVING I tell other parents to take time for them. I run whole support groups on self care and why it’s so important. I’ve been doing this for years....All the while I was so neglectful of my own needs that I ate donuts like they were going out of style, would get so tired I’d fall asleep on my living room floor as soon as I did the required after work, work. I had headaches every, single day. A day without a headache was like winning the lottery, it hardly ever happened. I was quickly gaining weight and just plane miserable but not many people outside of the McNulty house knew...In fact, I was so good at hiding it that I actually got call perfect, “Super Woman” even! Now, this wasn’t one of those, “I don’t know how you do it all, you must be superwoman” kind of statements it was, “How will you ever know how hard this is for me (raising a complex child). You have it ALL together! I read your son’s Facebook page and you’re perfect! You’re basically super woman!” I was talking to another mom. A mom that was struggling. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was heavy and hard to hear. She really thought I had it all together. She really thought I was some super human that could do it all eland was always okay. What didn’t she know? She didn’t know that I cried twice on my morning commute. She didn’t know how unhappy I was and how stressed out I felt. She didn’t know that I had stress induced mouth sores, headaches and chest pains. She didn’t know that when things got really hard instead of being in that hard place I’d eat donuts, cupcakes and candy bars to mask the overwhelming feeling that I just can’t do this anymore. She didn’t know any of that because all she saw were perfect looking pictures of me smiling while changing a dressing or walking Case back to surgery. She saw family pictures with perfect, happy faces she had no idea that I could scream so loud at my girls my throat would hurt and I’d eat another donut to mask the sinking feeling of failure.
She believed I was perfect because that’s all she ever saw. I looked at her tired, worn eyes and told her I was sorry. Sorry that she really thought I wasn’t struggling and that she thought she shouldn’t be too.
Guys, this is hard. So freaking hard! Raising a child with chronic illness is that hardest thing I’ve ever done. Pile onto of  that raising his three sisters, working long days, being a wife and just, well  life. I felt like I was drowning and caring for ME was the last thing on my to do list until June of this year. We went on our annual family beach trip 10 hours away with a car full of TPN, equipment, pumps and more. I love, love the beach and being there with Dan’s extended family is like a little week of heaven on earth! But these past few years have been increasingly more complicated. IV fluids, dressing changes and keeping a gtube stoma from getting filled with sand are just on the short list of beach stressors.... What did I do to keep from going insane managing it all? I ate. I ate so much that week that I gained 10 pounds. I was miserable. Not because I don’t LOVE the beach and all the great people we get to be with but because I spent so much time stressing and not sleeping that I didn’t realize how little I was caring for myself....When we got home I knew I needed to put taking care of myself on my own to do list. So, I did!
I started taking care of Me and not in the luxurious bubble bath and manicure way (well, sometimes) but in the “care for your emotional and physical health” way. I joined Weight Watchers, started working out at least 3xs a week and drank half my body weight in ounces a day. Not all at once  but in about a two month period. I started listing to self help books and pod casts on my work drives. I STARTED ASKING FOR HELP (and anyone that knows me knows that's a hard one). I started caring about me. I started seeing a therapist, not because I’m weak (I used to think that if I sat on a couch and told somebody the ugly truth it would mean I wasn’t strong enough to do it alone) but because I was desperate for peace and tried every, possible avenue to get it. Holy Molly does it help! Sitting on that couch baring my soul to a complete stranger it one of the most helpful things I’ve EVER done! Just this past week I joined the #last90day challenge that focuses on ending 2018 stronger then we start 2019! The results focusing on mental and physical heath are LIFE ALTERING. DO I still have bad day? Yes. Do I still feel overwhelmed and angry sometime? Absolutely! But I am working on me and that MATTERS! I am putting the oxygen mask on first e=when this plane goes down so I have the right head about me hewn I'm taking care of others. You can do this too because you are important, we will help you because we are your village!