I’m Sorry.

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Sometimes, we are stuck in situations we can’t control. Sometimes, the ONLY thing we CAN control is our attitude. Sometimes, those situations are so sucky that the world gives us PERMISSION to feel sorry for ourselves and we do. I do. I was sitting by my son’s hospital bed during admission number 4 million and was throwing a little pity party for myself....It was Friday. My son was admitted the night before and we were looking at about a week behind these four walls. We had plans for the weekend. Plans to get away for for a few hours, my husband and I. We were going to spend time together, eat our favorite food and celebrate his birthday. All these plans changed  quickly and were replaced with needles, IV fluids and hospital gowns. So, I did what I normally do and pouted a bit. I thought, “of course this happened! We had something planned and every time I plan something fun for myself, it doesn’t go like I imagined” and on and on my pity part went. In the thick of my internal whine fest I heard a small and quiet voice, “Someone is longing for the very thing you are upset about right now.” At first I thought that was crazy! Who would be wishing to be in the hospital with their child? Then it hit me! The faces of all the mommas I know would want to be here went though my mind. The mommas that don’t have their babies to cuddle any more. The mommas that are in the ICU by there intubated, sedated baby wishing they were in MY spot.
This is a community. A community of medical mommas that have laughed together, celebrated together and cried together. I’ve walked past little caskets with race cars and tiaras and my heart aches for what is gone. It’s those moms that would give anything to be here on a regular hospital floor drinking a Starbucks with a discharge date in mind. There is ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS SOMETHING to be grateful for! So, to the momma that is in the icu or the momma with empty arms, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was complaining. I’m so, so sorry I took the life I’m living for granted. I’ll put my big girl panties on and know that I, in this hospital, by this bed am blessed. And I will say a prayer for you tonight.❤️

Comments

  1. UnknownOctober 16, 2018 at 6:38 PM

    Prayers & hugs coming your way. I know this is so hard. Your getaway will come soon. Take a deep breathe & lean on God❤️🙏🏻

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownOctober 16, 2018 at 9:30 PM

    It’s hard when you are knocked down quite often. It’s okay to have a “This stinks” moment. You have that right.

    Good thoughts-thinking of Mama’s that would give anything for have a “This stinks” moment.

    We’re human; we’re allowed to be down for a moment. But, choosing to stay down in that constant moment is a whole other thing. You’re not wallowing; you’re venting!

    ReplyDelete

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