Sunday, April 7, 2013

Grace.



Did I ever tell you the story about grace? When I had my routine sonogram around 22 or so weeks, they told us my due date was wrong, moved it back two weeks (Case was technically only 2 weeks early, not 4) and told us he was a girl. A week later, I got a call from one of my favorite nurses saying there were problems with his scan. Could be nothing but it looked like there was a spot on his kidney, heart defects and growth issues. We had a second level sonogram at 25 weeks an hour away from home. My hopes of it all being nothing and of my baby "girl" being fine were shattered. There were problems. Big problems. Lots of problems. I cried. Dan held my hand. The Dr. said an amniocentesis was very nessacery and could save our baby's life. I looked at Dan. He looked at the Dr. and said okay. The scan was long. Sad. The Dr. Looked at me and said, "You've done everything right. There is nothing you can do to make your baby healthy or normal that you haven't already done. You've done nothing wrong." I went to the bathroom and cried again. I prayed. I heard the word "grace" very clearly in my mind. I assumed that was our "daughter's" middle name. We would name her Parker Grace, whether she lived or died. When I got back to the room, my Dr. said our baby shows a lot of signs of one of the Trisomy's. He said he'd call in 2-3 weeks with results. It was a long 2 1/2 weeks. I hoped that it was only Down syndrome....I looked up the word, Grace...It means blessing/favor. How appropriate. Well, obviously, I was pregnant with a boy. And soon enough, the Amnio revealed that. Things got worse. They (to this day) haven't figured out the underlying cause for all of his issues and with every sonogram in Johnstown and Pittsburgh (I had 20-30 total) there was more bad news. I kept ahold of the word grace and although I gave birth to a Case (brave/bringer of peace) Daniel (God is my judge) the word grace is tucked deep in my heart. Even on the darkest days, I remember that our Case and the journey we are on is a blessing/favor not a curse. We are loved and have been picked for a special, sometimes very hard, grace-filled journey and for that, I am ever thankful. I am growing. I am getting stronger. Case has changed our family and my marriage for the better and I wouldn't change our Case for the world.

 


 

1 comment: