I. Am. Out. Of. Control.

-
It's true. I am out of control. I had no control over how Case was made. I ate the right foods (ice creams good for unborn babies, right?). I took my vitamins. Drank lots of water. I didn't do drugs, smoke or drink. I rested a lot and still Case was made different. He was born with "defects". A child that would have possibly been medically aborted if he was in a different belly. All that to say he was made the way God made him for a reason and I was out of control. Even now I can't control how things go. I can't make him eat and have been having a hell of a time making him grow. Sometimes I get a real wake up call as to how our of control I really am. A week or so ago I realized Case's medical card stooped and he was thrown into an HMO by "random selection" (WTF, right?). Long story short by the time I realized what was going on it was "too late to change his HMO for July" and the HMO I picked wouldn't go into effect until August. No big deal, right? WRONG! The HMO they "picked" doesn't cover Pittsburgh Children's or Chartwell (his feeding supply company). Oh. My. God. I flipped the freak out. I cried, or more like sobbed. What about his upcoming surgery? Or emergency care? What if he pulls his GJ out? Why me?! "Well, you just need to pick another hospital." Says the rep. from CoventryCares (his sucktastic HMO). Uh, dude...this isn't a dentist or a chiropractor. This is THE hospital that my special needs child NEEDS to go to. Cheese and rice this guy really irked me. After a million phone calls I talked to a lady that said said she is going to get him"expedited" out of this HMO (cause I'm gonna tell ya, so far Coventry-doesn't-care) and get him into the HMO of my choice. Easy enough? Not really. That was 11 days ago and he's still in this HMO. We've talked and she's working on it. The good news is, if there is an emergency I was told "CoventryCares" will go out of network. Bad news is his feeding supply company isn't covered and his surgery may need rescheduled. Long story short. I need to let go and let God. Worrying is a waist of time and quite frankly exhausting. This is not my baby. He has a bigger purpose and by golly if what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, either Coventry"cares" will be the death of me or I'll be pretty damn strong!!

"Insurance problems? What-evs. I'd rather swing then worry."-Case
:)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Half-Brained Thoughts from a Special Needs Momma.

-
Image
Top ten thing's I've seriously considered doing when I'm low on sleep and patience. 10. Throwing Case's feeding pump out the window. Really. Some days that thing must beep hundreds of times. He's carrying it around constantly. It beeps when it's empty. It beeps when the tubes twist, kink or clog. It's an annoying, beautiful, life giving machine that I have a love-hate relationship with. 9.  Just driving. And driving. And driving. Alone. With the music blasting. I'd come back eventually but only once I'm well rested with a manicure. 8. Taking the 10+ (front and back) partially filled out papers asking me if my son is "still medically complex and if so to prove it", crumpling them up and leaving them on the doorstep of the office with his bottles of meds, tubes, pump, syringes, all his medical records and maybe some vomit with a note that reads, "Yes, he is still very much the same as he was the last time I did paper work to pr...
Read more

About Case.

-
Image
Case is our fourth child. He has 3 sisters. At 22 weeks pregnant I had a routine ultrasound. The tech seemed calm, ordinary. She said we were having another girl. We named her Parker. "She" was healthy. Typical. Fine. A week or two after that "normal" ultrasound we got a call. There was a spot on our "baby girl's" heart and one on "her" kidney. Not a big deal. At about 25 weeks of Pregnancy, We had a second level sonogram about an hour away from our home.  I was told our baby would be different. Very different. It's limbs were way behind in growth. It had heart problems, kidney problems, and was small. Very small. The doctor strongly suspected Down syndrome or Trisomy. He did an amnio. I cried. He told me this was not my fault. I was doing everything I could. The baby was just made different. Two and a half weeks later, I got a call. I was there, in that hotel. On a mini "getaway" with the family. The doctor called an...
Read more

I have a confession.

-
Image
I have a confession. I'm tired of fighting the food battle. For all of the 17 months Case has been alive, I've been fighting my butt off to get this child to eat right and grow well. The food battle started as soon as Case was born. They whisked him away from me via helicopter (even though we were only minutes away in Magee Women's Hospital) to Pittsburgh Children's Hospital. Once he was gone, the food battle started. I pumped around the clock every three hours to have milk for the time when they allowed me to nourish his tiny body with bottles then with breast. If only it would have been that easy. He was about a week old when they first let him eat, after a day or so they stuck a tube down his nose. Eventually they let me try to nurse. He was too weak. Once he was sent home, they took the tube out of his nose and I was feeding him fortified breast milk every 3 hours (around the clock). I was also pumping. This went on until I could no longer keep my milk (around 3 m...
Read more