Friday, August 8, 2014

....She Laughs Without Fear of the Future.

"She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future."
Proverbs 31:25

It's a thing. Laughing, enjoying life without fear, anxiety, worry about the future... I can honestly say, one of the hardest things I've had to do on this crazy journey is slowly teach myself to enjoy life free of fear and it's evil twin anxiety. To rely on God's peace, presence and perfection. I AM clothed in dignity and strength. I CAN laugh without fear of the future, fear of the mail, fear the ever heavy financial burden, fear of ever changing insurance policies, denials and limits.......I can laugh because God's got this. Because His ways are far better than my own.....I can't micro manage this. I don't have a magic wand.....I can't change Social Security's policies, government run health care or the fact that my baby still vomits every day....I've tried and I've failed.....What can I change? What can you change in whatever situation you're in? We can change our hearts. We can trust. Trust that everything is going to work together for good. A good that looks different from anything we could ever imagine....... This beautiful boy. His beautiful life. His tiny, scarred and worn 3 year old body is changing hearts and minds. He is teaching me how to "laugh without fear of the future....."  The hard days aren't over. The questions aren't answered. The mail isn't going to stop bringing bad news.  Insurance will disappoint. I'll continue to hand my tiny boy over for endless procedures and surgeries that I never knew existed....I'll still spend nights on hospital "beds" holding the boy that doesn't belong to me, praying that he will one day know a pain free life. There are no magic genies or wands. Just wills. We have the will to change our hearts. To LAUGH without fear of the future......

1 comment:

  1. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.