A Very Special Case.

"Well I tried to be everything I need But a broken heart was all that I achieved Still I don't understand Why it's taken me so long to know You never change Your love remains Oh God I'm holding onto you" When nothing stays the same. When tomorrow is always different than I've planed, I'm holding on to you. Oh God, it's out of control. I never know what Case's Dr.s are going to say or what his insurance is going to deny next but I know you are near. You've picked me for a very special job and everyday I find myself needing to let go...remembering that You know better than me. I never could have planed all this. I never would have planned all this but it's because I never knew how full my heart would be once I became this mommy you've called (more like drug me) to be. I  am thankful. I am humble. I will fail more than I succeed. To You be all the glory. Without you, I'd be nothing. Thank You for being by my side for ...

It's just..well..what I do.  When I go to the dentist or to my Dr. I naturally get asked what I do. I tell them I stay home with four kids, one has special needs. The next question is, "What all is wrong with him?" I don't usually have all day so I give them he short list...the really short list. I usually get blank stares and "I'm sorrys". It's those moments that reality slaps me in the face. That I remember that 2 1/2 year olds are usually starting to get independent. It's about this time that they sleep through the night and you can just put a diaper in your purse and leave the big, bulky bag at home. I remember that beach trips and outings were less trouble when the girls were 2 1/2. Less preparation...less work. I watch as my Dr looks concerned at me and says, "How do you do it?". I never know how to answer that. I don't have super powers. I've never been very patient and I'm grumpy on too little sleep. I just do it...

With the birth of a medically complex, disabled, special needs child comes an extra does of love. Not for that child (you love him as much as your other children) but FROM that child. From deep inside his soul.  Love covers you. Love gives you the strength to fight the long fight and year, after year, love stays. You feel love for the homeless-looking man that stops to admire your special gift. You feel love for the countless Dr.s, specialists, therapists and nurses that save and enhance your special child's life. You love the children that lost their battles and the momma's that morn their loss. You love the children in the mist of their battles.You love those you never met that love, encourage and support you on this rocky road. You're in a whole new world. A world that use to terrify you. You continually remind yourself that worry and frustration kill, steal and destroy but love covers a multitude of sins. You will be wronged. Lied to. Sinned against. Not e...