A Very Special Case.

Did I ever tell you the story about grace? When I had my routine sonogram around 22 or so weeks, they told us my due date was wrong, moved it back two weeks (Case was technically only 2 weeks early, not 4) and told us he was a girl. A week later, I got a call from one of my favorite nurses saying there were problems with his scan. Could be nothing but it looked like there was a spot on his kidney, heart defects and growth issues. We had a second level sonogram at 25 weeks an hour away from home. My hopes of it all being nothing and of my baby "girl" being fine were shattered. There were problems. Big problems. Lots of problems. I cried. Dan held my hand. The Dr. said an amniocentesis was very nessacery and could save our baby's life. I looked at Dan. He looked at the Dr. and said okay. The scan was long. Sad. The Dr. Looked at me and said, "You've done everything right. There is nothing you can do to make your baby healthy or normal that you haven't already...

Sometimes I play events over and over and over in my head before they even happen. Things that plague me. All my worries then consume me, make me weary and on edge. It's as if I think God needs my help. I feel like if I don't figure everything out, nobody will. Sometimes I've wondered if I have bad luck. Like all the stupid things that could go wrong do and in the matter of a week, I've been in a car accident, bought a house with a broken fridge, cut up telephone wires and electricity issues. Had children with the flu, a whole lot to do and a leaky ceiling...... In that same week, I was puked on, dripped on and yelled at, disrespected, mistreated and let down. We sold a house, bought a house and tried to settle in despite all the crazy shit I just mentioned. I cried, a lot. I wondered if I wasn't listening right, being punished or never going to have relief from migraines. All of this on top of beeping pumps, med schedules and trying to get four kids comfortab...

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